nepenthean's Diaryland Dream Diary


2 rejections and an escape

what a sublime night of sleep, not only did i get to REM but i stayed long enough for three fully different dreams! in the first, i passed l. a note in my kitchen that said, "i wish this were more than a booty call." he apparently did not share that wish and promptly rejected me in his mostly silent and indifferent way... ahh, the booty call. it takes such a herculean effort to be OK with its boundaries.

in the next dream, i caught up with n.s. by strolling into his home uninvited and begging to know if he is happy in his life. obviously, not having seen me in almost 20 years, he was reluctant to respond to me, but i begged and begged... told him how proud i was of him, was happy that he is married, etc., but he just... didn't respond to me and it killed me. he would barely look at me. i ran out before anyone could call the cops or catch me, and drove down to the las vegas strip. i was in the vicinity of mandalay bay when it occurred to me that the road was going to be shut down for some big event. i parked and went into a building, but it was a very different one than a strip hotel: it was a small, cramped housing project. i walked through endless hallways and rec rooms, searching for a way out -- just like its residents were in their hearts. i could hear a woman being raped in a far off room, and i just ached for her. i wanted to escape, so i started running but there was no "outside" -- it was just congregations of desperate poor people in building after building, and all of the buildings were interconnected. i had picked someone up while on the run and we both went out someone's bedroom window when we realized that the housing authorities were after us. we dropped down on the outside of a chain link fence, and went over it and into the yard of a poor high school. i remember scanning the sort of tough faces of its population, and turning around toward the field with my companion, running at full tilt toward the street. the kids at the edge of the field knew why we were running. i would like to say that we ran for them, but we didn't -- i ran for myself from poverty and desperation and pain, and the other person ran for their own motivation. i ran past the field and felt guilty when i reached the better school in town. why was i running to a school? is school really the only way out? it doesn't matter; i passed through and witnessed what i needed to -- the resignation of the resourceless.

11:05 a.m. - 2006-02-03


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